Marriage Is No Picnic; It Takes Work


I’m grateful to be able to minister to couples in our Marriage small group on Sunday nights. We learn so much about our own marriages as well as how others tackle things in their marriage. Just a couple of nights ago, one couple had an issue and asked how to resolve it. I answered how I thought yet one of the wives from another couple said she disagreed with my answer. She gave her own answer in which I agree with hers because she had been in the same place this young lady was in. She was well equipped to answer wisely.

Today, I was reading a recent email from Baby Center my wife sent me. This is a response to an article on BabyCenter about arguing in front of your children.

“Funny that I saw this now but its a little too late for me. I cannot and will not stay in this marriage. It’s over for us. He is just not what I thought he was.”

There’s a lot going on in this marriage. It didn’t get this way over night and will not be healed over night. I think at times we think conflict can be overcome in one conversation with each other. But that sometimes doesn’t happen. The wounds are too deep to heal overnight. It’s going to take time.

Divorce is never the answer. If you got hurt this time, you will get hurt again. The wise thing to do is work it out and spend some time strengthening where your marriage is weak. It may be too late for this couple because she has done decided that working it out is not the right answer. My heart breaks at the decision this has come to.

One thing most couple don’t realize when stepping into marriage is it takes work to get along. When two hearts and minds come together, there’s going to be some friction involved. When two desires and drives unite, someone will have to serve and the other be served.

We have a motto for our small group. We want couples to begin making a life not a living. By doing that, it will mean giving up your self for the benefit of the other. There will be pain involved, but just as Christ gave himself up for the church we should do the same for our marriage.

Don’t let it come to this – “I cannot and will not stay in this marriage. It’s over for us. He is just not what I thought he was.”

*some marriage blogs I follow

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About Kevin Riner
child of grace, worshiper of Jesus, husband, father, Pastor of Village Church, author of Faith Debugged

6 Responses to Marriage Is No Picnic; It Takes Work

  1. Kevin Riner says:

    I’m getting some great comments in the message department over on facebook. I would like to bring a question over. This may bring some interesting conversation.

    Do you think it’s ok with God to divorce if your being abused (physical or emotional, to spouse or children), or abandonment (physical or emotional)?

    • Valerie says:

      If you look into some of rabbinical teachings on divorce, this topic was something that was discussed quite a bit back in Jesus’ day. And, it doesn’t seem to be a black-and-white decision, yes to this, no to that. In asking the question, “Is it okay with God to divorce”, individuals can speak up boldly on the matter. I myself have experienced a divorce, and have thoughts and opinions surrounding that topic. In the end, the marriage involves two people, each one can make decisions that affect himself/herself and the other person. That’s a bit harder to navigate than one individual’s decision (i.e. choosing to change one’s eating habits). That being said, I appreciate your post, and desire to engage others in conversation. You’re awesome!

      • Kevin Riner says:

        Val I appreciate your thoughts. I understand someone’s thoughts on divorce can differ depending on your own experience through divorce or marriage.

        Giving ones own thoughts on scripture is expected when the subject matter is grey on right or wrong.

        This post was obviously not directed to hurt or criticize those who have already divorced like yourself.

        Thanks for your comment and your thoughts.

  2. Anonymous says:

    It is ok to to divorce but where the problem comes is when one remarries which causes one to commit adultery. Matthew 5:32, Mark 10:11-12. If one stays single without sexual relations there would be no problem, where the problem comes in is when you have a sexual relationship.

  3. Pingback: If you are struggling with_________ | Just Carlo

  4. Pingback: Are you reliving your marriage hurts | 100% Husbands – Loving Our Wives as Christ Loved Us

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