Secular and Sacred Opinions Coming Together On Marriage


If you read my blogs you know that I get the opportunity to help marriages thrive through small groups study and an occasional counseling with couples. My small group is going through a study by Paul Tripp right now called What Did You Expect. Since starting this study, I have learned Paul’s main idea for this book is you are a sinner, you’re married to a sinner and you live in a sinful world. So the best way to make your marriage healthy is to deal with your own sin, have grace towards your spouse’s sin and work together for a healthy marriage in a fallen world.

What this means is you are only responsible for your own sin and that you should only try to “fix” your own sins through the grace of God and His word. Quit trying to fix your spouse. Your not perfect and stop thinking you are. Your spouse needs to work on his/her own sin through God’s grace and His word. Quit keeping score at how better you are. Quit holding things against your spouse. Quit thinking you’re owed something from your spouse. Forgive your spouse just as you have been forgiven.

Now with the sacred being said, I just finished reading a book about ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder). I have a client I am working with and they he has ADD and it’s so hard-working with an issue I know very little about so I started reading up to learn how to deal with ADD and do a better job at communicating with him while I help him gain employment.

In his book, All About Attention Deficit Disorder, Dr. Thomas Phelan talked about how having a child with ADD can be detrimental to one’s marriage. WOW! I never thought about how such a disability can be so damaging to a marriage. This is what he wrote about trying to keep a marriage healthy while raising a child with a disability.

“During cognitive therapy couples are trained how to think about themselves and their spouses more realistically. This includes such as learning how to stop blaming one another, how to think more realistically about oneself, and how to take responsibility for one’s own anger or depression.”

Doctors and therapists have learned that not only do they need to work with the disabled child, they need to work with the parents so that the family is healthy and everyone has a chance to have as close to a healthy home as they can. This is done through cognitive therapy for the parents. Cognitive therapy is therapy for the parents to help them overcome the drag of having a child with a disability. The truth is when a child is incapacitated in such a way that it becomes a life change for the parents to the point of over working to create a healthy family it can definitely begin to create cracks in the marriage such as arguments, unfairness, laziness on the part of one spouse, misunderstandings, and overworking of one spouse.

Doctors and therapists have learned that not only do they need to work with the disabled child, they need to work with the parents so that the family is healthy and everyone has a chance to have a healthy home. This is done through cognitive therapy for the parents.

I find it interesting that Paul Tripp and Dr. Phelan both say the same things coming from two sides of the spiritual spectrum.

  1. Quit blaming one another
  2. Think more realistic about yourself
  3. Take responsibility for one own anger (sin)

In other words, quit trying to FIX your spouse and worry about yourself!

Advertisements

About Kevin Riner
child of grace, worshiper of Jesus, husband, father, Pastor of Village Church, author of Faith Debugged

2 Responses to Secular and Sacred Opinions Coming Together On Marriage

  1. Pingback: It’s Rodney & Julie … Not You & I | The Blog Hospital

  2. Pingback: Child With ADD Never Sits Still | Parenting Special Needs

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: