If Bible Stories Had Click-bait Titles

1. This snake talked to the woman. What happened next will totally shock you! (Genesis 3)

2. 613 simple tips to keep your deity happy! (see, the Torah)

3. Jesus of Nazareth seen spitting on blind man! (Mark 8.23, John 9.6)

4. Man gets swallowed by giant fish, lives to tell about it! (Jonah 1.17-2.10)

5. You’ll never believe what this donkey said! (Numbers 22.21-39)

6. Stuttering Prophet reveals 10 controversial tips to everlasting life (number 7 will shock you!) (Exodus 20)

7. New Miracle Cures: Doctors Hate Him! (See, the Gospels)

8. Man Claims to Survive on Nothing But Locusts and Honey! (Matthew 3.4)

9. This man just found out his fiancee is having a baby—and he’s not the father! (Matthew 1.18-25,

10. Follow this one weird trick for Salvation! (John 3.16)

What titles would you add?

 

*found at http://www.seedbed.com/if-bible-stories-had-click-bait-titles/

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Straight Access

Thankfully, we don’t have to go through this if we want to talk with God. It’s straight access.

No-Shave November Is Vanity

I’m sure Solomon wrote it somewhere in Ecclesiastes that No-Shave November was vanity. I’ll find it. Hold on!

What led me to even attempting No-Shave November were two things.

  1. I went on a trip and forgot my razor so I got a good head start.
  2. To prove its futility in my life

I have a lot of Cherokee in my blood. I can honestly say I’ve never seen a Cherokee Indian with a beard. Hence, why it is near impossible for me to grow one. I’d love to grow one. I think it definitely steeps the man-card but thankfully beards to not prove a man’s manliness. What really bugs me is it’s now a hip thing to grow a beard especially for musicians and I can’t play the game. I guess I’ve never been one to fall in the trappings of cultural trends and this is another sick joke God has played on me to keep me in line with my “differentness”.

However, I have lived my whole life ten years younger because folks can’t believe I’m four years from forty. So I have discovered the fountain of youth. It’s not a place. It’s what’s on your face. No hair and the occasional pimple. So if you want to look younger, don’t go out and get a plastic surgery. Just get hair removal and put some oil on your face so you’ll break out occasionally.

Regardless, I shaved this morning because I was tired of looking foolish with patches of hair and ten days from the month being over I believe I have proved my point. No-Shave November could be a full year for me and no difference would be made. The only reason I shave daily is so I don’t embarrass myself especially in a day and time where folks who can grow the beard do so and do it well. My hats off to you. When the baby face comes back in style, then I’ll feel a little more comfortably fitting in with everyone. Till then… Grow them beards, I think they look awesome!

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Reprieve for Rebecca Black

It’s been two years now and Rebecca Black has received some of the harshest criticism for her song Friday. I was having a conversation with my wife this morning after watching yet another silly viral video and asked her can we now forgive Rebecca and give her a little credit for stepping out and doing something that at first caused a lot of stir but now has garnered her maybe the Godmother of viral music videos?

I’m not trying to get all Kanye and say, “Yo, Ylvis, I’m really happy for you, and I’m gonna let you finish, but Rebecca had one of the best videos of all time.” Nor am I gonna get all Chris Crocker and say, “Leave Rebecca alone!”

But…

I think after the likes of Psy with “Gangam Style” and Ylvis with “The Fox” we can safely say that Rebecca Black is in good company and could use some reprieve after her hit smash “Friday” started it all. Or am I just kidding myself?

And for the record… THIS IS WHAT THE FOX SAYS!

For all you inner Kanye fans, who had the best viral song of all time?

The (S)chool Bus I Wish I Had Taken To School

Dead Giveaway

It didn’t take the The Gregory Brothers — authors of “Bedroom Intruder Song” and “Backing Up” to come out with their new auto-tuned version of Charle’s Ramsey’s interview. It’s really good I must say. Check out Schmoyoho on youtube.